This wasn't something I noticed in the beginning, or perhaps this was part of his gaslighting me, or maybe it was something that grew over time. However it happened, my ex-narcissist had what I consider to be some serious food issues.
It wasn't until my youngest left for the Air Force, and was gone for a few months, that he brought up to me how much his eating habits had changed since going into the Air Force.
The first thing he pointed out was he was no longer gobbling up all the chips, ice cream and cookies as soon as they hit the house. He's also the one who pointed out to me it was his father's eating habits that made him that way. See, Mark had a really bad habit of eating all the junk food in the house almost as soon as it walked in the door with me. He made the observation that Mark's doing this caused both my son and I to get some as fast as we could, before his dad got to it.
So I started paying attention and Elias was right. Mark ate junk food constantly!
I would buy ice cream by the multi-gallon drum and it would be gone in less than a week. I'd not even had a bowl! Mark liked to think he ate healthy, so when he'd have ice cream, he'd put it in a coffee cup to show "portion control." However, he'd eat five or six of those in one evening. And when he wasn't eating it out of a coffee cup, he'd have to go to the kitchen for something and would grab a spoon so he could get a bite or two several times a night.
Another habit of Mark's would be to "sleep eat." Elias and I both told him he did it, but he refused to believe it and accused me of trying to convince him he was crazy. If it were just me who was telling him this, that'd be one thing, but Elias was telling him this, too! Mark would cook food and the dirty dishes would be in the sink in the morning, but he refused to believe he did this. His most common night time meal would be a bowl of cereal with milk. He would eat so many bowls of cereal, once it came into the house, there was never any for the occasional bowl for me. I'd bring five or six boxes in from the grocery store and all of them would be eaten in just a few days, with me getting none of it.
Since divorcing my Aspie, it still surprises me to see cookies in my pantry and I don't remember when I bought them. I'd grown so conditioned to there being no snack junk food in the house it looked foreign to me to see it. I can't remember the last time I bought any junk food for myself. I have a medium-sized bag of chips on top of the fridge and it's only half eaten. I can't remember when I bought them. I tasted one this evening and it seemed like it might be a little on the stale side, so it's been a while, I suppose.
Once Mark's health started showing it was suffering from his indifference, I tried to get him to eat healthier. When we were dating and in the first couple years we were married, I would often make salads for dinner. He'd eat them heartily! But, once the honeymoon was over for him (which coincided with Elias being born - Aspies don't like to be one of several children, they want to be the only one. They don't like the competition) he refused to eat a salad. He declared them a waste of space in his stomach. He'd get so mad when I'd make something healthy for dinner.
I can remember when I saw Mark for the first time in months, while I was waiting at the courthouse for our hearing to start. He was getting out of his car and I didn't recognize him. He was so overweight and his hair was completely grey. He'd also added many, many more lines and wrinkles to his face. He looked like he was 15 years older than he was. That was the moment I realized his spell over me was gone.
For years, people who knew me would eventually meet Mark and tell me confidentially they couldn't believe I was married to him. He was the opposite of me in every way.
The day I saw him outside the courthouse, I finally understood what they were all talking about.
In the weeks since I had him removed from the house, I was eating the way I wanted to eat, which was healthy. I seem to naturally gravitate to a healthy diet. I don't actually diet, but I love fish, grains, salads, fruit, and not a lot of junk food. I lost quite a bit of weight over the five months I was waiting for the hearing. And the thing is, I've kept it off over the last nearly five years. My blood pressure is where it should be, my rheumatoid arthritis has gotten much better, and I take regular walks around the two lakes in my home town, where I live. I also sleep much better than I once did.
So ask yourself... Do you have a weight problem that won't resolve, no matter what you do? Start paying attention to how you subconsciously respond to your Aspie's eating. And if you take the plunge and divorce your Aspie, the weight just seems to melt off with no effort from you.
I lost about 60 pounds since divorcing the ex. I love to tell people I lost over 300 pounds since the divorce. 275 of it was him...
