You can't pay enough money to... cure that feeling of being broken and confused. ~ Winona Ryder
I know this post is supposed to be about being manipulated by your Aspie, but it's important to know that they manipulate you by keeping you confused and/or angry pretty much all the time. How do they do this? By denying they've said something you KNOW they said. Or denying doing something you KNOW they've done. The thing to remember about Aspies is - they'll lie even when the truth won't hurt them.
Aspies aren't a group of people who can just come to you and say, "Honey, I'm upset about something and I'd like to discuss it with you."
No, no, no, no, no... That would be too easy to just come out and have open, honest communication.
Let's say you made meatloaf for dinner and used a spice the Aspie didn't like, say... Mint. They won't TELL you they don't like the mint. In fact, they'll tell you how GREAT your meatloaf is, so much so you're absolutely convinced it's their favorite meal and will make it once a week for 20 years. What's going on during that 20 years, though, is quite different inside the head of an Aspie:
- First time eating said meatloaf - Wow, I really don't like this spice she used in the meatloaf. But if I tell her I don't like it, she'll be upset. I suppose I'll just tell her how good it is.
- Second time eating said meatloaf - I really, really don't like this spice and she's made it AGAIN! Why would she make this? Doesn't she know I don't like this mint? But if I tell her I don't like it, she'll get mad at me.
- Third time eating said meatloaf - AGAIN! Mint in the meatloaf! I swear she could screw up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Why is she STILL making it this way?? But if I tell her I don't like it, it'll start a big fight and I'll lose. So I'll just have to *SIGH* tell her AGAIN how much I love it!
- Fourth through 125th time eating said meatloaf - The Aspie hates the meatloaf every single time you make it but says nothing at all about their not liking it. Instead, they keep it in their head, allowing their anger to grow each and every time they eat it, telling you the entire time how much they love it, leading you to believe you are the Julia Child of meatloafs. However, by the time they've gotten to this point, they've already built up inside their heads that telling you will lead to an argument of epic proportions and aren't they the dear, dear man for sparing your feelings? But they've also decided they hate you for not KNOWING they don't like the meatloaf.
- After about six to twelve months of serving this meatloaf to them because they told you how much they loved it, they finally blow up at you, spend a few hours ranting at you over just how stupid you are for not knowing how much they hate mint in the meatloaf and what a horrible, selfish, narcissistic person you are for not knowing this. When you ask them why they didn't tell you the first time they didn't like it and their response is always the same, "Because I knew you'd yell at me."
My advice with regard to combating this? Get out. Get out of the relationship. This will never change because it's just not in their nature to change, nor do they want to. And why should they? By doing things the way they've been doing them up to now, they get whatever they wish.