Google Ad

Friday, June 30, 2017

Three years post-divorce from my Aspie and here's how it's going...

So much seizing the day!
A couple of weeks ago or so was three years since I divorced my ex-Aspie and here's how things are going...

  • Bought a small house that's just right for me and a pet. I inherited all three dogs in the divorce, but last month two of them passed away; one from cancer, one from myelitis. The house isn't perfect, but it's mine and no one will ever take it away from me. It will also be paid for in another 90 payments.
  • My two kids still aren't talking to me, but that's okay. My youngest did manage to give me some insight as to why - he says I'm "embellishing" the affairs my ex had during our marriage. Given that lie came to light, I have to wonder how many others my ex managed to convince the kids of? But mostly, I feel sorry for my ex. He's such a pathetic loser, such a liar, such a POS, the only way he can live with himself is to work that hard to convince both himself and others he didn't do the things he did to me and the marriage. Frankly, pathetic doesn't even BEGIN to describe him and his lies/delusions.
  • I still get triggered pretty easily when someone I'm dating does or says something to remind me of the ex. BUT - I'm also more aware of the narcissism I was subjected to for so long. (Aspies are usually narcissists, too) More than once, I've listened to some guy start to feel me a line of bullshit and I've responded with, "You're gaslighting me." I gotta tell ya, it feels REALLY good to call shenanigans on a narc and know you're right to do so. And trust me, they get really pissed off when you do this, which is another good feeling.
  • The ex is STILL playing the victim, which is something Aspies do SO well. He refuses to talk to me still, which really is fine, but I have to send him a reminder email more than once, every year since the divorce, regarding the cost of living raise I'm required to get under our divorce decree as I was given a percentage of his military retirement for life. I'm thinking next January I won't do that - I'll just take him to court for contempt, and while I'm there petition the court to continue the alimony, at least until my house is paid for. See, it wasn't in my pre-divorce planning budget to have a car payment but the ex made sure my car was repossessed (because of his doing, not mine, as the car was paid for) so my finances are a little skewed until the car's paid for.
  • From the first day, my friends have all told me I look 20 years younger, and this must be true, because when I told my coworkers I was over 50, none of them believed me and it was a genuine disbelief. I honestly believe I added years to my life by leaving the crazy behind me.
All this being said, I'm still much happier than I've been in a long, long time. I answer to no one, I'm not responsible to anyone but myself, and there's no one to call me names, treat me like garbage, or to work to convince me I'm crazy for the sole reason it makes them feel better about their assortment of mental illnesses. (When I think of my ex, which I rarely do any longer, the phrase, "From soup to nuts" comes to mind, and it makes me laugh a little to myself) I'm not going to lie, it hasn't been a picnic since the divorce, but it's tons better than it was before.

Seriously, leaving the Aspie, NPD, Bipolar Diordered mind of my ex behind me was the best decision I ever made. You should consider doing the same thing.